𝟏𝟕 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚 𝟐-𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰.⁣

I’ve spoken to more Dads in the past 4-weeks than I have in my lifetime. 81 dads. Crazy, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?⁣

I did it for 3 core reasons:⁣

⁣𝟏) To ground me as a man through other peoples lived experience.⁣

⁣𝟐) To set a benchmark for me as a Dad. Set the bar high in order to lead my kids to do the same in whatever way they choose.⁣

⁣𝟑) To show other Dads they aren’t alone. To show them they have people, often standing right next to them, that can help them deal with their shit and ultimately lift them to new levels they never thought possible.⁣

⁣And from those conversations, one comment from one dad stuck with me more than any other…

⁣“𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.”⁣

I wasn’t a dad when we said this to me. The impact of the above statement was huge BEFORE I was a dad, NOW… after becoming a dad, it holds endless nuance and possibilities.⁣

⁣𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝟏𝟕 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚 𝟐-𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞: ⁣

⁣#𝟏 — 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. Having kids isn’t an excuse to shut-up-shop and wait around for the right time to present itself. Stop waiting for the right time and get after what you want in life. Be the example for your kids to look up to.⁣

⁣#𝟐 — 𝐁𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞. I had a rock-solid plan before Garry (my son) showed up. I’d never been so organised. The moment he arrived — poof, gone. But, I was well prepared both physically and mentally prior to his arrival so being adaptable wasn’t a far stretch. Every problem isn’t a nail to be whacked to death with your hammer. Be flexible.⁣

#𝟑 — 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦. Firstly, let me just say — To all of you single parents out there — respect. My wife and I don’t know how you do it. (Flick me a Dm if you need to chat or need a hand with anything👊). ⁣

⁣Jacquie and I have intuitively banded together. That might sound weird (like why wouldn’t you?!?!?!), however, there is a shit-ton of parents playing the silent resentment card thinking they are the ones doing all the work. ⁣

But when she’s struggling I step up. And when I need a break or have work shit to do — she’s there. And I’m talking with E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. ⁣

If you feel resentment towards your partner for ANY REASON it’s you who needs to take a look in the mirror, not them!⁣

Stand up for each other don’t stand in the way of each other. You guys GET to be parents together. (#9 talks more about HAVE vs GET).⁣

⁣#𝟒 — 𝐆𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲’𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐟𝐮𝐥. Every time the little guy can’t settle himself I’m reminded that he’s just frustrated and doesn’t know how his little body works just yet. There’s no point in me jumping in the hurt locker with him. So, I use his times of stress (crying, etc.) to pick him up and practice my breathing so he can vibe off my energy. And then I talk to him. “Just breathe, dude… just breathe. I’ve got you, mate, I’ll always be here for you.” And I repeat different versions of this while soothing him. ⁣

It keeps me calm when my initial response is emotional.⁣

#𝟓 — 𝐏𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞. Kinda goes without saying. But it’s deeper than just being patient with your kids. Think about the people you meet day-to-day. Some of them might appear to be highly strung or rude. Consider what else is going on their lives. Just like you as a Dad running on little sleep. They have their own shit too.⁣

⁣#𝟔 — 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐯𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭. As I said, I’ve spoken to 81 days and counting over the past 4-weeks. I’m not looking for advice or to agree with anyone’s story or experience, but I am looking for insight. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this person and use in my own life to help me when I need it? ⁣

When you listen for insight and NOT agreement, you keep yourself open to possibility.⁣

⁣#𝟕 — 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐭. So, it happened — I got shit on my hand! Not to mention he managed to get shit on my hand, wee on the floor and his own face all at the same time. Honestly… Jacquie and I haven’t laughed so hard. I couldn’t breathe. Shit happens and you need to figure it out — in-the-moment. Forget perfect. Instead … strive for progress.⁣⁣

#𝟖 — 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐧. Life is pretty busy and we are all out there, in our own way, trying to figure.it out with varying degrees of success. Don’t forget why you’re doing it in the first place. It’s not supposed to be work — it’s supposed to be fun. Act accordingly.⁣

#𝟗 — 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐭𝐨 𝐯𝐬 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐨. I didn’t have to have kids, I get to. I don’t have to work and buy the shit I buy, I get to. I don’t have to put up with a shitty job, or poor health — I get to choose what I do and how I treat myself on daily basis.⁣

Change your language and change your outcome and attitude. “HAVE to” sounds like a chore. “GET to” sounds like something you can’t wait to get up for. Even if it is at 3am in the morning.⁣

#𝟏𝟎 — 𝐁𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝. Nappy bag, full fridge, dinners cooked, clean house, make your bed… you get the idea. Every job NOT DONE takes energy away from the more important things in life. Like being present with Garry when he needs me or helping Jacquie out when she needs some alone time.⁣

⁣#𝟏𝟏 — 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. How amazing are his little ears? Or, how he tries to bob his way down to find the boob. He just knew as soon as he came out. Fucking amazing! And how amazing are women? 9-mths of carrying the little guy around and they get NO-BREAK! Then, he’s feeding every 2 to 3 hours non-stop so now their literally no break. ⁣

⁣Appreciate the little things — there is so much joy to be had amongst the lack of sleep.⁣

#𝟏𝟐 — 𝐊𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞. He sleeps, shits and eats… and sometimes just lays there and takes it all in. So, at what point did WE decide life had to be so complicated? He doesn’t know any better. We do. And that’s the problem. We think because we’ve “lived a little” that the answer to our problems and challenges is a complex solution. ⁣

⁣Instead… take a leaf out of your kid’s book and do the simple thing.⁣

⁣#𝟏𝟑 — 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭. Parents are such whinges. “Just fucking get on with it! That’s what I used to think. Having said… I still think we should all get on with it BUT now I’m starting to see the depth of what being a parent is all about. ⁣

⁣I’ve since made a few phone calls to some close mates about not being there when they had their kids… aside from a phone call to say “congrats” or Facebook msg to tick a box. ⁣

⁣Becoming a dad will never mean more to anyone else than yourself when it’s your kid. But, that doesn’t mean we should reflect, be considerate and meet people where they are in order to understand.⁣

⁣#𝟏𝟒 — 𝗪𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰. Just when you think you’ve cracked the code on getting him settled and you have a few solid days with a few good nights sleep — boom… he shifts the goalposts on ya. Similar to “Being Adaptable,” you can’t always rely on the world staying the same. ⁣

Things change. Understanding that life evolves puts you in good sted to anticipate the change and be ready when it does.⁣⁣

#𝟏𝟓 — 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐯𝐬 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝. Regardless of what Baby Garry is going through, I’ll do anything within my power to figure it out to make sure he’s got what he needs. I’ll try 1000 ways if I have to. No exceptions. ⁣

But, if I was attached to one method of parenting and wasn’t flexible to changing because it didn’t get the desired result — I’d quit.⁣

Being attached is rigid and closed off to endless opportunities and possibilities to live the life you want. Commitment is never giving up.⁣

#𝟏𝟔 — 𝗪𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤. I thought I knew this deeply… then Garry showed up. He watches and hears — Everything! And, Jacquie and I are 95% of his input everyday. So…⁣

⁣You need to walk your talk like no one’s watching. Firstly, do it for yourself. Then, when others are in the room you don’t have to change how you behave because you are already on-point. ⁣

⁣You need to figure out who you are, first, in order to do get this right. ⁣

⁣#𝟏𝟕 — 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭. Garry and I chat about everything. We’ve spoken about travel, values, visualisation, music, poos, weeing on his head and how that’s not cool, about always looking after his mum, about being of value, how to sell, his grandparents… and on and on.⁣

⁣I speak to him like he already gets it. I don’t care what child developmental sciences say… I’m giving Garry the benefit of the doubt.⁣

⁣Don’t stop yourself from opening up because you “think” other people won’t get it or appreciate it. ⁣

⁣Let them make that decision — don’t make it for them.⁣

⁣ — — — — -⁣

⁣So, that’s what I’ve come up with thus far. ⁣

⁣Some of the lessons Garry has taught me has helped me go deeper on ideas I’d been working on for some time. ⁣

⁣And some are brand new ideas and lessons that I’d never considered. ⁣⁣

[𝐀𝐒𝐊/𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒] 𝟐 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬…⁣

⁣1) Which of the above do you resonate with the most?⁣

⁣2) What’s one lesson your kids have taught you?

[𝘋𝘢𝘥’𝘴, 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴, 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘔𝘢𝘯 — 𝘊𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘢𝘥 𝘈𝘍 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 — 𝟽𝟺 𝘥𝘢𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 👇👇👇]

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